Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
