90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He did a backflip because drugs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
