moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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