I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
