google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think i have herpe
just one?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
