either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
