I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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