Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize