i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
