we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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