I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i barfeds in our rink
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
