On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
