I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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