I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
