I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
