About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
