...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
