Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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