im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am naked and annoyed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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