***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
