You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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