She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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