grandma shit on top of the toilet
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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