Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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