i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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