i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
