After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
