So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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