I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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