I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
