oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
