just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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