My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
