yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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