we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
