dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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