I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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