Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
