so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
