Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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