I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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