Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
