i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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