Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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