He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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