i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
