It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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