fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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