My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
