he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
