I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
