I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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