I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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