I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
