at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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