Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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