I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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