I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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