My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
