Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
