I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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