on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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