The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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