You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize