I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
These tits shall not be calmed
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
