i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
