I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
