Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
