so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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