What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
