don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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