WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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