I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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