dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
