Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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