If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
